Sleep and Nightmares

Have you ever woke up from sleeping and couldn’t move? Heart racing, dripping with cold sweat, the feeling of being watched. And out from the corner of your eye, something moves. You get a chill down your spine, you try to move but you cant. You try to scream, but nothing comes out. It gets closer, and closer, until suddenly, it goes away and then all of a sudden, you feel your chest get heavy. And you know, it’s there.

“Old Hag Syndrome”

I have been through a lot of sleep paralysis. And it’s terrifying. Especially as a kid, you don’t know what to make of it. I have woken up with scratches and bruises. I have seen some scary things and have been through scary times, but my nightmares are the worst.

You are at most vulnerable when you sleep. Never knowing what is hiding under your bed, in your closet, outside the window, or the basement.

You think it’s your imagination. But what if it isn’t? What if, you are seeing into another dimension? Another world? This “thing” that I see. It has haunted me for years. Playing with my dreams, my sight, my hearing. It knows me too well. No matter how long or strong I block it out. It’s there with me. No matter how many rosaries I have. Or however many times I pray. I can feel it watching me. Taunting me with my childhood. With my emotions in its hand. Just with a ball of its fist, it knows, how much damage it can cause me. I sleep with the light in usually. Or under my blanket. That’s the only way I’m safe. But sometimes, I’m even too scared for that.

I feel like with everything I do, it’s never good enough to get rid of it. I’m afraid of my own shadow most of the time. I wonder if this will continue forever? How long has this been around? Will there ever be freedom..?

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