The letter you never took. But I needed to give to you…
You know, when I met you I didn’t think I was going to like you as much as I did. You sat down near me in back at the club, and we started talking, and pretty soon I found myself looking forward to going to the club each day just to see you. I was crushing on you so hard. Even though we didn’t like each other.
For a while there I even thought maybe you felt the same. We exchanged numbers after the 3rd day.
There was only one minor issue: my insecurities. Many justified because you were still in love with others. I understood that. There were so many times I just wanted to text you just to talk, after it was over but changed my mind out of fear. Because I hurt you and jeopardized so many things with you and because of that, I am sorry. But you lost love and trust for me because of “the devil” among other things. It what it is. My frustrations grew as well.
We had many great times, we taught each other so much, had great vacations, drinking, kicking it, and loving each other. Bad morning breath and all.
I will never forget that day I told you I was sick, and we went to VIP, even though I hated seeing you there. I told you I was sick, and for a woman who never cries, you did. That moment cemented the fact that I knew you were in love with me. Even though we were on some rough shit then too.
Your words were beautiful. I told you the news, and you cried, then you looked at me and said, “can I tell you something babe, John, you saved me, you made me realize what I was worth, you taught me how to love.”
I hurt you and brought you down with me, again, I am eternally sorry. Even with the negative stuff we really had some great times.
Now here we are, we have this acquaintanceship and you’re with someone else, but not happy, I know you better than anyone. Even though, I really wanted you to find that love since I failed you. But you did and his name is “Simon”. He’s a beautiful kid. I always wanted to build a family with you, but God said no at that point. Trust the process I guess.
Maybe if I hadn’t been so destructive and done bad things, and been okay with you going back to work and letting you self-destruct with me, and maybe if I hadn’t feared things and expected them, just maybe you would still be mine. Nothing is guaranteed though, I guess. But I know it wasn’t all my fault, I wasn’t perfect neither were you. We still aren’t. You did bad things too. But it’s a process and we learn from it.
For all I know, you were never interested in me like that in the first place. Maybe I completely misread all the signs from the beginning. I don’t know. I guess a part of me was just hopeful. I’m glad I took time to move past this, and have moved forward with my life, away from wondering about what could have been.
Now you’re just my friend, which it is what it is honestly, well maybe lol. You never know what God holds for us, together or separate. We’ve both grown, either way, its meant to be. But I know you’ll always love me and hold me in your heart and mind someplace.
It’s a little funny though to think that someone you used to think so much about is now just another person you know. It’s a part of life. It’s sad. I only let you get into my heart, but that was a blessing. But I’ll always love you and you’ll always be my first true love. I always loved you for you.
I hope you take care, and I look forward to seeing where our lives go from here. I wish you all the best. #T.L.O.M.L.
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